The person we spend time the most nowadays is a friend.
Everything has something to do with a friend.
Even when there are family issues, the first person you turn to is a friend.
And sometimes, friend gets the first priority above family and others.

But what is the meaning of friendship when one is taking advantage of the other?
I've always cherish friendship cause I know I need them to help me through certain times, and I, will definitely be there for them when they need me.
But then again, things has been happening lately which causes me to evaluate the type of friendship some 'friends' offered.
Never have I thought that giving a sincere friendship will result in none being given back.
Maybe I'm too nice of a person, always listen to their problems and giving advices.
Daddy taught me to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. 
Some may even think I'm trying to make this friendship to something more. However, that was never my intention. It takes 2 to tango.
Yet another case of jumping to conclusion.
I like listening to their problems and sharing it with them, at least they won't feel that they are all alone and at least there's someone to talk to.
But then again, I was yet proven wrong.

All the times I've listened and shared my thoughts meant nothing to them.
Doing things behind my back, setting me up.
Whatever happened to friendship?
I guessed it meant nothing to them.
The best part is, after all that they've done, they can still act as if nothing has happened.
Whatever happened to feeling guilty?
The times we spent talking and chatting away meant nothing at all.
Sometimes I felt that everything I do is just one sided.
I didn't mean to provoke any anger or hurt any feeling or any sort, not pointing any fingers to anyone.
And definitely not blaming everyone, some are just victims.
All I wanted is just be by them when they need me and hope to get that in return.

Sometimes it's not the way things are done, it's also the way words are said.
Everyone has feelings. Teasing is one thing, but too much of teasing would mean a whole other things.
Actions and words combined can really hurt someone even without realising it.

Guess I was too naive. Nothing comes free in this world nowadays, not even a simple friendship.
People say friendship is priceless, I guess it has value to it nowadays.
Everyone wants something in return.

I know what is happening and I'm disappointed and angry and sad and lost. Disappointed in everything that some of you have done.
And even when I knew what was happening for a long time ady, I kept quiet.
Kept on telling myself that it should not overshadow the good times that we had.
Kept on telling myself to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Kept on convincing myself with tonnes of other excuses.
I did not confront them, I don't believe in creating arguement unnecessarily.
Maybe I was making assumptions as well, that's why I'd rather it just stays in me.

I've actually set everything aside and forget about it, but it keeps on haunting me.

Will I ever find a genuine unconditional form of friendship nowadays?

I thank god I'm flying off to Bangkok on Tuesday.
At least it'll give me time to think and to just leave everything behind for a while.
After Bangkok will be my accounts exam, then Chinese New Year.
Then work begins.
At this point, I'm looking forward to working (can you believe that?! I might regret saying this in a months' time) and spending time with the boy .
At least I won't have so much free time to think of nonsense and stupid things. Sometimes, my mind likes to play games with me.
At least I can drown myself with work (all over again).

*note to myself*
Well, whatever that has happened is already the past. No point in dwelling on something that was long gone.
I will continue offering my friendship to them, but whatever they wanna offer back is not that important to me already. After all, I've already seen the worse.