the last i checked, last entry was on the 30th of october..
and now, it's the 11th of December, almost 1 and a half month without updates.. lol
to sum it all up, it's been hell of a rollercoaster ride in this interval..

November was the month of exam for all Monashians.. Also the month of many drinking sessions, hard rock cafe sessions, emotional whirlwind and not forgetting, birthdays..
Drinking session was almost every week, with every reason u can think of...
'Exam stress'
'Someone's birthday'
'Someone finished exam already'
and a whole string of other reasons... Sometimes, there's even no reason for drinking.. lol

my papers finished on the 14th of november... and on the same day, went back to ipoh with yvonne and trudy.. ken, his gf and jeff joined in too... had a great time eating and stuffing ourselves crazy.. everyone came home fat except for me..
my mom claims that i put on weight ady and gave me half the portion of what she gave the others..

like i mentioned, it's also a month of emotional whirlwind..
not only to me, but to those around me too..
had a rift with parents over their fairness to both my bro and i.. as expected, i gave up.. i couldn't stand the way they treat my bro but at the same time i don't feel like quarelling with them anymore.. it's just not worth the energy anymore..
given if this was 5 years ago, i'll be slamming doors and not talking to my parents for a week...

at the same time, personal matters was also lingering in my thoughts..
matters such as relationships, be it friendship or work or boy-girl.. everything came up at the same time..
i don't know if it's just me, but when problems happens, it happens in strings.. one after another..

i never liked being put in a position to choose things that matters most to me.. being asked to choose between friendship vs something more, work vs family..
and i'm those who puts everyone above myself.. i'd rather satisfy everyone than myself but in the end, i'm always at losing end all the time..
i must learn to say no at time already, that's what i've been trying to tell myself over and over again..
but sometimes, by saying no, it'll definitely hurt someone and i don't intend to do so.
and by being blunt, i might destroy something i don't want to..

in this same month as well, things are happening to my friends..
which made me evaluate my own situation and be thankful of where i stand today..
being in a relationship is a give and take situation..
what happens if one side is only taking and the others is only giving?
what if one party is treating the other like a kite?
always, in situations like this, the girl is at losing end..
are men born to be ignorant or did they chose to be ignorant?
are women born with sensitive emotions or is it by choice too?
loads of hints and feelings flare, but none is being acknowledge..
everyone is just trying to dodge the problem and convince that nothing had happened..
never ever make fear an excuse.. and that exactly what my dearest friend is going through..
i wished she does not have to go through all this emotional rollercoaster..
it's taking a toll on her, tiring her and changing her from who she was to who she is right now..
i'm not saying that change is not good, but it's very subjective..
i'm for good change definitely..
needless to say, i'll always be on her side no matter what.. and i'm sure all her friends will support her too..

on the other hand, i've got a question that has been lingering in my mind..
how would you know if the other party is being truthful to you and also being very sincere?
I'm not doubting my other half, i'm just scared...
i don't want to jump into a relationship only to realise that the other party is not being sincere and being taken for granted..
i've seen so many of this situations happening to people around me to the point that i'm afraid to commit my full feelings into relationships for the fear of being devastated in the end..
you'll never know when someone is trying to test you, or someone is trying to set you up, or someone is trying to play with you..

on a lighter note, i've finally moved on and hope everything goes well from now on..
mom called me the other day and asked if i'm seeing someone, i told her yes..
and her only advise,'if you are not ready to commit, don't be in a relationship. and if you are, compromise'.
simple advice, deep meaning..
she made me think..